Family

I have been looking over old pictures from the Georgia days. How life has changed...for the good and the bad. From the pictures you could tell that me and brother were joined by the hips. Pretty much every frame we are either in deep conversation or playing together. I seemed to be the bossy one...which is usual. My brother was the laid back one. Now, we don't really have to much to do with each other, since he goes to college at western and I am in Eugene. Life has diverged, but I still have those pictures.
I caught Beena and Neena's faces in the some of the pictures. My geographically close first cousins. Its hard to imagine that my closest extended family is 3000 miles away in the deep south. They really lost in their own world, and don't want any connections. No matter how matter how hard I try to connect with them, I still get denied. it kind of hurts. but there is nothing i can do. I guess somethings can't be mended by pictures. I might be being a little harsh, but I don't think I should have to apologize for their behavior, if they act like it, then they deserve the titles. Sometimes I wonder - what if I grew up in Nepal my entire life? How different would i be...Bibisha and Bibek could be me and Raj. Do i want to be them? Probably not, but I do admit I am jealous. They have done Dasia and Holi numerous times...all I got was Merry Christmas 20 dollar present. They got the relatives, the culture and the true nepalese experience, while i got a halfway world. My parents did everything...sleeping in cars, to working 30 hour days, to living in a foreign world surrounded by strangers, and yet I am complaining. I guess all I want is to be with more family. When I was Germany, i got to meet Deepa and Aamir, my other first cousins. They were really nice in hosting me for the week, but at the end of the day we were still strangers. Deepa was beautiful, but set in German traditions, and Aamir had his directorial project going. I felt a connection...both of us alike in living in halfway worlds, but they were more set while i was still in limbo land. Deepa was pregnant...8 months...she was beautiful, I am sure she will have beautiful baby girl. I am an aunt, to a baby who probably I will never meet, and if I do meet her, it will be like strangers passing at a train station - a brief encounter on the platform but we will have to board our different trains...to our homes far apart.
Its weird how families are. We carry the same name, have the same blood flow, and at least know of each others existence, but yet we aren't nothing more than mere acquaintances. I guess i should hold on to the ones that have been there for me. Thank you Amma, Buwa and Raj...