In Between Worlds, Cultures,and Lifestyles...

The election of Barack Obama as the future president of the USA, with the combination of Comparative Tribalism (better fitting title would be Cultural Identity) class I have been taking has made me question my identity. I am between worlds, cultures and lifestyles. I don't fit the picture of America's daughter; I don't have blue eyes, or blond hair. But I also don't fit the picture of my heritage; the obedient, dutiful daughter of Nepalese parents. Between the two I have found a path that I lead my life on. But yet I need a definition. I crave an identity, but none fits. Society has not created one for me. So where do i fit in the art of taxonomy? Who are my people? Do I have any?
Living on both sides of the world, i feel that both sides are my home, and at the same neither is mine to claim as home. I am an insider and yet and outsider in the same breath. This could be an over dramatization of my emotions, but yet I feel strongly, since it pertains to my being. It pertains to every stolen silence, every conversation, every interaction and every private moment, it clouds my thought. With the recent election, the identity of Americans has been pulled inside-out. With the first black-white president ready to take the throne, America seems to finally be represented with some cultural authenticity. Black or white doesn't represent the races, and ethnicity's of all America, but it is the start of recognition of the true American identity. The election of mixed-race present w/ more pigment than any of his fellow predecessors isn't contrived, or forced like a Safeway advertisement on a semi-truck. But is a celebration of genuine acceptance of what America really is. Obama's struggle as a black kid in Hawaii, or as white kid amongst his black friends shows the struggle America's identity. But with his election all isn't not calmed. I am still conflicted...am I American or Nepalese...or both...can I be both. The world is changing...and I am somewhere, still in between worlds, cultures and lifestyles. I am sorority girl at college, whose friends are American by the picture definition, but at the same time I am a descendant of Nepalese forefathers, a Hindu follower and cultural practitioner of my parent's homeland.
I was told today that I am obsessed with my cultural identity. But how can I not be. It surrounds me all the time. Walking down the street I have been called terrorist. Entering a classroom I am the ONE student of color. At airports or at international borders, I am watched or checked thoroughly before I show the officer the proof of my US citizenship - my passport. Each time I enter the sorority house, I am visually reinforced with the images of the picture perfect American girl. There are no mashed potatoes, a fat turkey, or a Thanksgiving grace during Thanksgiving. On Christmas there is no tree, presents, eggnog, or chimes from Santa's sleigh bells. At the same time, I am considered a foreigner in Nepal. I surprise my extended family in Nepal with my ability to speak Nepalese. There is no formal Dasai/Diwali celebrations. There are no cousins or blood relatives within a 1000 miles of me in all directions. Every death of a family member is just another tally mark of a family member I didn't get to know, and will never know. "Who was I, who shed no tears at the loss of his own?" Simply put, I am just here, between worlds, cultures and lifestyles.
Do you still think its not reasonable to be OBSESSED with my identity. When I try to share my thoughts and emotions with friends, I am told to be exaggerating my feelings, but they don't understand...they can't understand...unlike me, they can at least pass as a picture of the American dream, the dream my parents are still working for.
Obama's face is beginning to put the wheels of American's cultural identity in motion. But, at the same time, I still meandering between worlds, cultures, and lifestyles...one thing is for sure..."My identity might begin with the fact of my race, but it didn't, couldn't, end here. At least this what I choose to believe."